Saturday, December 22, 2007

Feeling down

Well, the tree is up, the last of the Christmas cards went out yesterday, outside lights are done, 95% of the inside lights are done, and extra gifts are done (for the mailman, co-workers, and unexpected recipients, etc.) I still haven't wrapped any gifts, but that won't take too long. And no baking got done, but that's okay, too.

Now DD might not be able to get home for Christmas. It's a touchy subject around here. I had several suggestions, but she is feeling insecure and views my attempts to help as an indicator of her "child" status. So she might not come home if she can't figure it out all by herself. Which is all well and good, except it affects our Christmas, too and, not being a parent, she cannot understand how this hurts.

How can you separate feelings about Christmas from feelings about your family? As I unwrapped ornaments, so many memories came flooding back, as they do every year.
I made this ornament watching "The Gathering" in 1977, when I was 2 months pregnant with DD:

Here are the first "dressy" shoes she wore as a one-year-old:

Here she is at 3, with my sister's oldest daughter, and my brother's oldest son--who died of cancer several years ago when he was 19.

Before he died, we made a cross-country drive to be with him and our other family members. Even though DD had gotten angry and moved out of the house, she went with us. It was a long trip, and when we got home, we didn't see her for weeks, but we made it back for Brandon. See what I mean about the memories? One leads to another, and some are wonderful, but some hurt.

She made this one for me when she was 6 years old:

Here is one of the pasta ornaments she and I made one year:

And one year, we gave each other identical ornaments--and didn't know it til we unwrapped them!

Even if she makes it home this Christmas, things will be different. I understand that, I accept that, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

Sorry this has become a downer. I promise tomorrow will be brighter. Thanks for listening.


Colene said...

I hope things start looking up for you and that your daughter makes it home safely for a wonderful holiday together.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, I hadn't read in a while. Sorry you were feeling down. This really touched my heart. I related, as I went through some difficult times with my mom a few years back, similar to the things you described. Sometimes a young woman can be so stubborn, and doesn't realize how hurtful her 'independence' is to her mom. I hope you had a good Christmas, afterall.
Much love.