A young woman died recently. She was not related to me, and I only met her once. She succumbed to a chronic illness, and was in her 30's, unmarried, living at home. Someone close to her expressed frustration, anger, and maybe a little guilt, that the deceased girl didn't "rise to her circumstances", didn't make the most of her talents, withdrew from the world--in short, wasted the time she had left.
I don't know if the young woman was happy, but it didn't sound like it. She didn't take care of herself, didn't avoid things that could exacerbate her illness. But who decides if a life is wasted, and how does one come to that decision? Is it a wasted life if her friend learns from the example set and determines to take advantages of opportunities afforded her, to love more, to give more?
I'm not being critical of the friend; her values and standards were different from the deceased's. Can it be said about me after my death, that I wasted my life? Maybe because I didn't travel more, didn't rise to management levels, didn't spend more time being sociable? If I am happy with my life the way it is, doesn't that count for something? Or have I set the bar too low for myself? And does it matter what others say about me after I'm gone?
Do I have regrets? Sure, I do. I've made mistakes as a wife, as a mother, as a nurse, as a friend, as a person in this world. There are many things I wish I could do over, knowing what I know now. But we don't get to know in advance; we have to struggle with the knowledge we have, putting one foot in front of the other, day after day.
If I had a terminal illness, would I have the mental and emotional strength to make the most of what time I had left, or would I just be in survival mode, trying to endure the treatments or live just one more day? I know what I'd like to be able to say, but I don't really know what I'd do.
When I entered nursing school, at the ripe old age of 18, I had visions of impacting lives, making a difference in the world. (I think I read too many Cherry Ames books.) Truth is, nursing is more about turning my frail little nursing home patient every two hours, than listening to his stories about his childhood.
Turning him and preventing bedsores is important to his physical health. I know that. But I'm not the nurse I thought I would be, decades ago. So does that mean my nursing life was wasted? By my own standards? And what about my personal life? It didn't turn out like I envisioned, either, but I am happy and content now. It hasn't always been that way, so has my life been wasted?
What do you think determines a "wasted life"?
2 comments:
when I was in nursing school, actually it was the first day of my first clinical ever. I gave a lady a chair bath. not very meaningful most would think. But I watched that lady change before my eyes. I mean really change. Through the care and attention and basic act of just getting clean, she relaxed, opened up and was actually smiling by the time I left. The lesson that I have held dear ever since is that NO act is small. Even turning a patient that would rather stay put, when done with love can be a blessing for the patient...aside from just preventing bedsores. I worked in a nursing home for 3 weeks, then fled back to pediatrics. But I do know this, not every nurse and aide in that home care for the patients like you do. So, my point is this, never think what you've done is small, instead find ways to enlarge the amount of love you show. Also, no life is wasted, no matter what an observer thinks. Every life is precious to God and God knows why a person makes the choices they make, even when we don't understand. 1 more thing then I'll unbend your ear (eye). I do believe that people have to right to choose how they live and how they die. Should I ever be diagnosed with a terminal illness, I am not going to say I'll avoid everything that might exacerbate it....maybe I'll choose to enjoy the time left to the fullest. It's far easier to judge the person than accept their choices as is.
wow! its been a bit since i stoppped her and what a post!!!! it really does make a person think.... and its hard to say what determines a wasted life... i mean, a person addicted to drugs, hurting their loved ones, being abusive, and always selfish is wasting a life i think... and i do believe we are all blessed with a talent of some form... and to never indulge in that talent, to ignore it, never feed it, never use it, is wasting that talent... i cant say if its a waste of your life but we are all hear to influence one another SOMEHOW... while some can influence millions, some of us, influence only a few and that is enough... if we make a person smile, cheer someone up, give meaningful advice, JUST GIVE, in general, you can just only imagine how much of an impact that had on that person.... you never know how your one smile prevented someone from doing something horrible... i believe in wasted talents, wasted dreams, wasted moments.... i believe we can disappoint people with the route we chose in life because it MAY not have been the most successful and unselfish route.... but a wasted life IS hard to determine...
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