Friday, May 30, 2008

The Subconscious, it will leak through...

Cooking is not my thing. Eating is. I only cook because then we get to eat. J-Man doesn't make it any easier. He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy; well, okay he likes Italian, and Chinese and he watches the Food Channel, but when it comes down to trying new recipes, his true colors come through.

I get tired of the same old same old and I have really been trying to get more vegetables and less bad carbs (like there really IS such a thing) into our diet. I need to lose a whole 'nother person--my doctor had THE TALK with me a few weeks ago--and though I once lost 40 pounds on South Beach Diet, J-Man hates most of the recipes. Since he is kind enough to provide supper the nights I work so I don't have to cut my sleep time short, and being as he is paralyzed on the left side with a back injury to boot, it would be terribly ungrateful of me to complain about the Subway, Taco Bell, Arby and Atlanta Bread Co. meals he brings home. Every week he does at least one night from Applebee's Carside to go, and now and then he brings home one of those roasted chickens from the grocery store and adds a couple of vegetables.

It just doesn't help that he also brings home wonderful cranberry-orange muffins, and Little Debbie snacks, and chocolate fudgie dessert things. Not that I want him to have to do without just because I do...oh who am I kidding? Of course I want him to do without. Because I am such a weakling, I'd just rather not have it there, as the stuff knows my name and calls to me in the nighttime. You'd think I lived through the Depression, or some Third World Country (which, BTW, leads me to ask if there are Second World Countries and what are they?--but I am chasing rabbits here) the way that I can't leave the yummies alone.

Hmmm. I did not intend to go down this path. I started this post thinking I'd share a couple of recipes I've tried lately, but here I am confessing deep dark faults to cyberfriends on a screen. My fingers have totally bypassed my conscious thoughts. I made myself take a 15-minute walk over slightly hilly streets in my neighborhood, which left my knee and hips complaining about the abuse, and yet, what I realllly want right now is a bowl of Breyer's naural vanilla ice cream with Sugar-Free Hershey's chocolate syrup drizzled artistically over those little hills and valleys. That is so self-destructive.

So now there is a counter at the bottom of my blog for all the world to see how much weight I need to lose. It's called accountability. I believe I need a double handful of that, thank you very much.

So. Before I cave to the crave, I'm going to sign off and go to bed and take a quilty magazine or a paperback with me--something that won't have food advertisements--strap on the C-PAP (because it's too much effort to do this more than once, thereby keeping me from sneaking a snack), and hope sleep comes quickly.


Jacquie said...

Good for you! I've been going to the gym since last June. No diet, just exercise and trying to eat healthy. Each day it's a battle not to sabotage myself by what I choose to eat or whether or not I choose to get my butt to the gym. It's working slowly but surely. I feel so much better. One step at a time! You can do it!!!

Stephanie said...

Thanks, Jacquie! I feel the same way--every day, sometimes every
hour, I struggle with making the right choices. I hope someday it'll
be a habit and not a constant battle, but I think maybe I have an
addictive personality and this is something I'll have to work on the
rest of my life.

Then again, good Lord willing, next May I can be a year older and
healthier or just a year older.

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

Accountability... no fun at all, and yet, groan, something we cannot ignore as responsible grown ups. arrgh

Anonymous said...

Go, Stephanie!
You can do it.
I did your meme today, er, yesterday.

MightyMom said...

I love your tickler!

I made myself one too! Accountability is the key!!

Slow and steady wins the race.

I'm trying to keep my hands busy with needlework (remember all those unfinished projects??) during the evening hours that I wanna snack. I"m actually worst at work, as it's easy to hit the vending machine or say that I "just need" a hot chocolate or something because the night's so hard...or I'm so tired so I need to eat to stay awake (like in college)...or...well, you know.

Retraining life long habits isn't easy.

Chocolate Cat said...

Congratulations on recognising what you have to do and working towards it! It really is easier said than done and trust me I know from experience! My downfall is exuses - I have a thousand of them that are always stopping me doing what needs to be done. Good Luck!