Anybody Home?

Sorry I've been out of commission for the last few weeks--seems like I would never get caught up.  And I almost didn't.  We had our Christmas this morning, since I have to work Christmas night, and didn't really want to get up, have Christmas, then go back to bed before going to work, and then come home to DD leaving on Sun. morning.  At 10pm last night, I declared the tree finished, even though only about a third of our ornaments were on.  When DD went off to bed at 11pm, I began wrapping gifts.  By 2am I had lost 3 gifts, one pair of scissors, and all my creativity. Found the gifts, got to bed by 3:00, but haven't found the scissors yet!

Here's what I ended up doing for ICU/Telemetry decorating this year:

These were repeated over all the doors in both units.

One wreath over a wrapping-paper covered bulletin board in ICU, one in Telemetry.

A little tree behind the nurses' station in Telemetry,

and a bigger one in ICU, because they had more space.

And wreaths for the glass doors on the rooms in ICU.

My sewing room is a wreck.

DD came in on Monday, and we've had a really good time with her and the animals (she brought both the dog and the cat.)  She set her alarm and we got up at 3am to view the lunar eclipse, but it was overcast, so we hurried back to bed. We've watched Sleepless in Seattle, Scrooge, other movies, finished shopping, cooked a little, and just hung out.  Wed. we all went to a very entertaining Christmas play and then out to eat. It's been good family times here at the Scraps  household.

There have been a couple of glitches, though.  I remembered my car registration hadn't been renewed and needed to get my emission test done first as well as an oil change, so I swung by on my way to the store and had them do it all, including rotating my tires, which was also overdue.  One of the mechanics came in very apologetically to tell me he'd broken off the stem under one of the lug nuts.  It was stripped and just broke off, and I don't even remember who rotated them the last time.  I've been so busy, I forgot to call the place the next day so they could make arrangements to fix it. They said it would be okay to drive with 4 lug nuts/stems, but it would need to be fixed soon.

Then Jack's car has been haunted.  (You'd think it would have been mine, right?) It's been locking and unlocking itself, and sometimes the inside lights go on and off.  He was going to take it in next week to be checked, but last night it apparently stepped up the pace, and when Jack went to make a trip to the grocery store for me, the battery was all but dead, and the security alarm was making weird noises.  Our roadside assistance service sent out a repairman, who managed to jump start it, but said we really need to get a new battery.  Right.  5pm on Christmas Eve.  Last year on Christmas Eve, there was snow and ice on the ground and I scraped my daughter's car as I backed out of the garage.  I think we are going to refuse to drive any car on Christmas Eve ever again.  As it is, I'm supposed to work tomorrow night and of course, it's supposed to start snowing tomorrow.  Keeping my fingers crossed either the roads won't be bad, or we'll be able to start the car.

Oh, and one other thing: I went to see my doctor last week, and my A1C, the 3-month compilation of blood sugar averages, has come down from a moderately dangerous 8.6 to a high normal of 6.5 in the 4 months I've been on the South Beach diet. I've also lost 35 pounds and lowered my cholesterol a little.  Still got lots to work on, but the progress is encouraging!

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and that you all make wonderful memories tomorrow!



Wednesday Weigh-In

 Remember when I had my stress echocardiogram in March of last year? All those resolves I had to lose weight, attain better lab results?

Well, somewhere along the way I've strayed.  Mightily.  Chalk it up to whatever, but they are only excuses, not good reasons. My doctor has only been prescribing a month's worth of anti-cholesterol tabs at a time, as this is his way of blackmailing me to come in, so I caved and went and had my labs drawn.

Yesterday was my appointment to go over the results with him.

They were awful.

I had a suspicion they would be; after all, I reached my highest weight ever about 3 weeks ago. I have been so uncomfortable, huffing and puffing at the least bit of exertion, almost unable to tie my shoes.  It was disgusting and disheartening.  The South Beach Diet worked for me before, but I kept putting it off, dreading doing without simple carbs for 2 weeks. Who really wants to give up ice cream, baked potatoes, bread, and those yummy Reese's cups?

But something clicked in my head.  Enough.  I scheduled the labwork, started the diet, and bit the bullet. It hasn't been easy.  The first two days I felt awful, headachey, irritable and overwhelmed. Jack is trying to be supportive, but he's a white bread, sweets after supper, meat and potatoes kind of guy. Some nights I end up cooking different dishes for each of us, and there have been a couple of off-days spent cooking to have things ready to take to work. I really don't like to cook.  I just like to eat.

But the good part is, I've lost 12 lbs already!  Although I haven't dropped a size yet, my clothes are not so constricting, and I haven't had to buy the next size up, thank goodness.  My center of gravity has changed, too, making me feel lighter and more energetic. Another few pounds and I will start an exercise program.  My knees have been taking the brunt of the weight, and the left one has really been bothering me, so I need to lose just a little more so it can tolerate long walks.

My doc and I have set a date in December to recheck my labwork.  Hopefully I will be able to come off the diabetic medication he started me on yesterday. I hated to start it, but it's time to swallow my pride and accept that I need help--from several sources.
To that end, I've also joined Stephanie's Wednesday Weigh-In to hold myself accountable. Her blog is A Ditchin' Time Quilts and she's had this group going for over 3 months now. The group loss should exceed 200 lbs sometime today! Check it out, and it's not too late to join up with us, if you're facing the same challenges. There's comfort in numbers, you know. Well, numbers of people, not numbers of pounds.

And if you're interested in the South Beach Diet, besides the official website, there's a blogger who has been developing some really yummy-sounding recipes after losing 42 lbs on the diet. Her site is Kalyn's Kitchen, and I plan to spend some more time browsing her blog. Her recipes are a bit more down-to-earth than the South Beach folks'.

So, anyway, every Wed. I'll have a brief post about my progress.  This is your advance warning, in case you want to skip it! 

Through Rose-, er, Green-colored Glass

Back again, and feeling so much better than the last time I posted.  I really think I have been under the effects of S.A.D.--Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Despite having been born in the South and remembering November and February as the grayest months of the year, 20 years of life in New Mexico, Land of the 350 days/yr of sunshine, has left me ill-prepared to deal with all the cloudy skies again.

Nothing interested me.  I could sit for hours at the computer and play Farmville, because it didn't take much effort and I could forget everything else.  But movies? No. I've had the same 2 Netflix movies here for about 4 months.  Sewing? No.  I'd walk into the sewing room, and just turn around again and leave. I can't even remember the last time we went out to eat, but it had to be August or September. 5 bins of Christmas decorations still sat in the living room, ready to be packed up and put away in the garage.  It was all I could do to go to work.

I was just about ready to make an appointment with my physician and ask for anti-depressants.  In the meantime, I started back on my routine vitamins, and added 2000 IU of Vitamin D daily. It's only been 7 days since I did that, but I am feeling SO much better. The Physician's Assistant for my gynecologist tested my Vitamin D level in Dec. and they have been trying to get in touch with me to give me prescription-strength Vit D ever since, but we have conflicting schedules, and I just never got around to calling them the pharmacy I use.

Two weekends ago, it was warm and in the upper 40s, and I did some early spring cleaning--opened up some windows and cleaned half the windows in the house.  Took down some curtains to wash, did detailed vacuuming, etc.  (Of course, I might not have done that had I not smoked up the house with stuff that bubbled over in the oven and then burned toast the NEXT morning!) Got the Christmas bins put away and bought flowers at the grocery store to put in a couple of vases in the house.  This was before the Vit. D, and it helped some, but the difference in my energy level and just all-round well-being has been in the last week. 

According to my PA, Vit. D has been determined to be a big influence in boosting our immune systems, fighting some forms of cancer, regulating sleep irregularities, and even has an effect on cardiac  problems and insulin resistance.  As I am obese, diabetic, and a night shift worker, it stands to reason I would be deficient in Vit D. I know Cathi, who lives in Canada, says she takes extra vit D from October to June every year. Makes sense to me!

Okay, so that's your public health service announcement for today. In other news, here's the latest weather around Scrapsville:

This was all yesterday, when we were served another helping of winter snow--almost one year to the day from the last March snowfall.  (And yes, those trees are still down.  With the weather and my sleeping schedule, the guys just haven't been able to get them all up yet)

Tandi was having a grand old time in the loose, powdery stuff.  She came in with huge snowballs plastered to her ears and chest and belly--so much so that I had to plop her in a bathtub of warm water to get them off her, because they just weren't melting fast enough--and she was getting snow all over the carpet and sofa.  Baths are not her favorite thing, but I rewarded her with peanut butter doggy treats I baked yesterday, and she was satisfied.

This morning the sun is out, the sky is blue, and the wind has the chill factor down to 22, though the thermometer says it's 33 degress out there.

Most of these pots sitting on my back deck hold chives, and they were just starting to poke their little green heads through.  Don't know if they'll still be there once the snow melts!

The birds were more than happy to feast at the feeders

but this little guy was using his feet to dig a hole and look for seeds that had fallen below:

To help the spring come along a little more quickly, I put my spring tabletopper on the kitchen table, along with a thick-glassed old green pitcher I bought off eBay a few years back.

I love the way it looks with the sun shining through the glass.

Life is looking pretty good right now.  Amazing what a few vitamins can do.

I may even make it into the sewing room this weekend--and stay awhile!

Public Service Announcement

In looking around blogland, I see I've not been the only one with the blahs. I don't know if it's spring fever, but my brain has been a desert lately--bereft of anything worth speaking, much less writing. Part of it can be attributed to a small health concern.

Our new insurance requires we have lab work drawn, and if we are outside the parameters with cholesterol, blood sugar, triglycerides, blood pressure and BMI, we must go in and be seen by their nurse counselors on a regular basis. I flunked all 5 categories. (J-Man, that show-off, passed all but one.) Did I post that I showed up for my appointment but the nurse counselors never did?

Being the knowledgeable, but non-compliant nurse that I am, I started myself on Flax seed oil, cinnamon capsules, and back on the baby aspirin, as well as some other supplements. Fish oil is better, but I don't like its frequent reminder that I've swallowed it already. Do you usually sprinkle cinnamon on your fish?


Anyway, I did fulfill my promise to my doc to come in after the results, though I knew what would await me. There is a strong family history of diabetes and heart disease in my family, and I was already borderline on the diabetes. After the standard lecture, I confessed to 3 episodes of left arm pain and one episode of chest tightness since January, occasional shortness of breath, and continued fatigue, which prompted my physician to immediately order a stress echocardiogram, that he wanted to schedule the next day--and give me a prescription for nitroglycerin tablets. Nitro?? ME?? Yeah, that scared the P-Turkey out of me!

The cardiologist couldn't see me for a week, so there was much mental fingernail-chewing until then, and that NTG was in my pocket or by my bedside 24/7. Nothing like a bottle of nitroglycerin to raise your anxiety level.

Last Thurs. was my stress echo, and let me tell you, if I was going to have a heart attack, that would have been it! Walking rapidly up a 12% incline had my heart racing along at the 140 beats they wanted in less than a New York minute! Whew! Am I ever deconditioned!

(That's not me, btw--I wasn't thinking of blogging about this and didn't take my camera.)

The good news is, except for "slightly sludgey" arteries, my heart is in fine shape. The cardiologist, who along with my own physician I see almost daily at work, says it's no wonder I've had chest tightness, with the stressful job we do, and the current hospital politics going on causing more stress.

He also sees exercise in my future. (Apparently he and my regular physician utilize the same crystal ball).

Other good news--my triglycerides have already come down from 321 to 225 since December. They should be less than 150, so there's a ways to go yet. The total cholesterol hadn't changed since then, prompting Dr. S to prescribe Lopid for me, as I am allergic to the statins.

It does bother me that the symptoms might be stress-related. In fact, it slightly offends me that my body would be such a wuss. J-Man and I have been through a catastrophic illness, bankruptcy, foreclosure, a failed adoption, and 2 cross-country moves without chest tightness, so why now? It made me feel like a darned hypochondriac to hear that.

So why do I tell you all this? Because not everyone is aware that symptoms of a heart attack in a woman are different than in a man. It's not always the chest-or-arm-grabbing dramatics you see onscreen even for a man, but the symptoms are even more subtle for women: aching in the jaw or neck, or in the arm, and not necessarily the left side, either. And most women, in hindsight, have remembered weeks of fatigue leading up to the event. As wives and mothers, we tend to minimize and ignore our bodies, or chalk any symptoms up to busy lives or lifting kidlets and heavy tote bags or housework.

Denial? Major aspect of heart disease. Somewhere in our subconscious we believe that caregivers are immune to illnesses and diseases, because by golly, who's going to do what we do? We can't get sick now--maybe later, when the kids are grown and we've reached our 90s. I almost didn't tell my doctor about those incidents, because they seemed so insignificant and I felt a little foolish.

Heads up, ladies. I don't want to scare you--well, maybe a little, if it gets you to pay attention to your bodies. If you're having these symptoms, let your doctor know--especially if you are post-menopausal (check), overweight (check), a smoker (nope), a diabetic (check), have high blood pressure (check), or have a strong family history of heart disease(triple check).

Hmmm, I'm seeing some lifestyle changes in my immediate future.

Thought for the Day

Two memes and a blogthing

Mighty Mom over at My Wonderful Life tagged me for a meme/award.

First, I have to list 6 things that make me happy:

1. When J-Man says "I love you." He's the kind of guy who shows his love by making supper, or filling my car with gas, so when he spontaneously tells me he loves me, I'm that mushy 19-year-old all over again.

2. Phone calls from my daughter.

3. Watching Tandi's long ears flop when she takes a flying leap of joy off the porch, the sofa, me, etc.

4. Rainy days.

5. Time spent in the sewing room.

6. Massages. (more on that later)


And then I'm supposed to pass it on to 6 other Kreativ Bloggers---but here I'm going to wimp out. I mean, look at my sidebar. How am I ever going to choose only six of the blogs I try to read daily?
Besides, it's a busy season. So, if you're feeling 6 degrees of happiness today, make a list! And then come let me know so I can go see what puts a smile on your face.

Then Gillian who writes as That British Woman tagged anyone who was reading her blog to post a photo of his or her blogging spot.

So here is the shot from last night:


Mighty Mom also had a blogthing on her post so I had to truck on over and find myself.

You Are Thanksgiving

You are a bit of a homebody who enjoys being in the company of people you love. It doesn't take a lot to make you happy. You're enjoying life as it is. You have many blessings in your life, and you are grateful for each one. You believe that life is about what you *do* have. You feel like you have enough of the good stuff. What makes you celebrate: Family, friends, and the changing of the seasons. At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The host of the party On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: Spend so much energy preparing that it's a full time job

What Holiday Are You?

Yesterday afternoon I woke up with a really bad crick in my neck. I don't know if I slept wrong, which is very likely, since sometimes my position is decided by the C-PAP and tubing, or if it was left over from practically lifting one of my little old women out of bed to go to the bathroom; also very likely, since she had a couple of fractured ribs and getting up to a sitting position was difficult. I did the heat and Ibuprofen thing, but by lunchtime today it was only slightly better.

This is interfering with my sewing. And mopping the kitchen floor, but I wasn't too unhappy about that. But I have to go back to work tomorrow night, and this could make my life miserable there.

Each week, a massage therapist couple sets up outside the cafeteria and does chair massages for $1.00/min. Of course, this is always during the day, so we night shift workers don't get to indulge, but when I went to my ACLS class last September, there they were! I managed to get in a 10 minute massage during break and accepted one of their business cards, tucked it in my purse and forgot it. Until today.

I dug it out, called, and Salina said she could take me at 6pm tonight.

Aahhhhhh. Except for the mini-massage, I haven't had one since last December, at Joanne's party. This may need to become semi-annual instead of annual! The pain isn't all gone, but Sooo much better, and my range of motion is better, too. I knew to drink lots of water afterwards, but she also said to pour a cup of apple cider vinegar in a tub full of hot water and soak for about 20 minutes. It's supposed to open my pores to let the toxins out. Hmmm. Bet I'm going to smell just wonderful afterwards. But shall I just smell toxic or really be toxic? Guess I'll go take that bath now.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Mandy has a powerful tale to tell over at her blog: 3 Kids, 2 Jobs, 1 Dog.

Click here to go and read.

The Subconscious, it will leak through...

Cooking is not my thing. Eating is. I only cook because then we get to eat. J-Man doesn't make it any easier. He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy; well, okay he likes Italian, and Chinese and he watches the Food Channel, but when it comes down to trying new recipes, his true colors come through.

I get tired of the same old same old and I have really been trying to get more vegetables and less bad carbs (like there really IS such a thing) into our diet. I need to lose a whole 'nother person--my doctor had THE TALK with me a few weeks ago--and though I once lost 40 pounds on South Beach Diet, J-Man hates most of the recipes. Since he is kind enough to provide supper the nights I work so I don't have to cut my sleep time short, and being as he is paralyzed on the left side with a back injury to boot, it would be terribly ungrateful of me to complain about the Subway, Taco Bell, Arby and Atlanta Bread Co. meals he brings home. Every week he does at least one night from Applebee's Carside to go, and now and then he brings home one of those roasted chickens from the grocery store and adds a couple of vegetables.

It just doesn't help that he also brings home wonderful cranberry-orange muffins, and Little Debbie snacks, and chocolate fudgie dessert things. Not that I want him to have to do without just because I do...oh who am I kidding? Of course I want him to do without. Because I am such a weakling, I'd just rather not have it there, as the stuff knows my name and calls to me in the nighttime. You'd think I lived through the Depression, or some Third World Country (which, BTW, leads me to ask if there are Second World Countries and what are they?--but I am chasing rabbits here) the way that I can't leave the yummies alone.

Hmmm. I did not intend to go down this path. I started this post thinking I'd share a couple of recipes I've tried lately, but here I am confessing deep dark faults to cyberfriends on a screen. My fingers have totally bypassed my conscious thoughts. I made myself take a 15-minute walk over slightly hilly streets in my neighborhood, which left my knee and hips complaining about the abuse, and yet, what I realllly want right now is a bowl of Breyer's naural vanilla ice cream with Sugar-Free Hershey's chocolate syrup drizzled artistically over those little hills and valleys. That is so self-destructive.

So now there is a counter at the bottom of my blog for all the world to see how much weight I need to lose. It's called accountability. I believe I need a double handful of that, thank you very much.

So. Before I cave to the crave, I'm going to sign off and go to bed and take a quilty magazine or a paperback with me--something that won't have food advertisements--strap on the C-PAP (because it's too much effort to do this more than once, thereby keeping me from sneaking a snack), and hope sleep comes quickly.

Semi-weekly post (!)

Well, I am given the Daily Dose Award by MightyMom and then I go and rest on my laurels for several days. Rather smug, huh?

Not really. I’ve just worked the weekend, and as I am now precepting a new employee, and rather young nurse, I have been trying to stay ahead of, I mean challenge my orientee—no small feat as she is a regular little sponge and I have gotten a little complacent in my skills. Then the little snot has started 3 IV’s that I couldn’t. I told her she is not to outshine the preceptor until the orientation is officially OVER.

She’s a sweetheart, just 4 months younger than my daughter, and I am just a few months younger than her mother. As her mother is still in the Philippines, she calls me “Mommy” for laughs. I asked if this meant I now have a son-in-law and a 4-year-old grandson, and she nodded. “It’s automatic,” she informed me. Then she caught a patient who was falling, and lowered him to the floor—and strained her back in the process. Just like her preceptor. I took advantage of the situation and educated her in the dos and don’ts of Workers’ Compensation. She’ll be okay, and should be back at work on our next shift, tomorrow night.

So, to refrain from that old adage, “Do as I say, not as I do”, I have not been able to read many blogs nor post on my worknights. I’m getting behind, but I'm making rounds, I promise.

Also, last week was my appointment with the pulmonologist about the sleep apnea. I filled out his long questionnaire, marveling at the number of questions I answered in the affirmative. Based on those alone, he suspected I fall in the moderate to severe range. To prove a point, he reached down and pressed two fingers into my shin. Holy Cow! I have major swelling in my legs. I didn’t know. Some observation skills, huh? I mean, my shoes are always tight when I get home from work, but hey, I’m up on my feet half the night and sitting at the computer station teaching and charting the other half. And since I have short legs, the seat of the chair does tend to press into the back of my legs. But I had never checked my own legs, though one of my complaints at my PA’s appointment in Dec. was that they always felt so heavy, and I was just too tired to try and exercise to strengthen them.

He says I’m showing the early signs of right-sided heart failure as a result of my up and down oxygen levels at night, making my heart work harder and fluid back up due to a little pulmonary hypertension. And despite doubling the dosage of my blood pressure meds, my BP was 155/87 at the appointment. Sleep apnea also causes frequent night-time urination, and aching in joints and muscles—which is why I walk like an old lady for the first 5 minutes I am up. It’s amazing the effects this has on the body. Dr. P said correcting this could add 10 years to my life.

I felt kind of dumb after meeting with Julie, my PA. Sometimes it seems like this is the “trendy” diagnosis, a yuppie thing, the mark of the Baby Boom generation. Heck 20 years ago the term hadn’t even been coined. But Dr. P, (who by some odd coincidence has the EXACT same birthday, to the year, as I) said Cardiologists and Pulmonologists began questioning why there were so many deaths during sleep—a time when all should be peaceful and relaxing. Why so many heart attacks, strokes, and sudden deaths? That’s what led them to begin researching it all. Did you know there are 88 different sleep disorders? Restless leg syndrome is considered a sleep disorder. Amazing. I never knew there were so many.

So last night was my sleep study. I showed up at 10pm, filled out consent forms, got ready for bed, and then had more wires connected to me than Carter has Little Liver Pills (okay, anyone else out there dating themselves?) I was to try and sleep on my back. Right. Folks, I sport cantaloupes on my chest. Sleeping on my back without benefit of a recliner is a joke. Turning over with wires on (or in) my nose, temples, chin, head, shoulders, finger and shins, and two belts around my chest and waist is just as ludicrous.

I took half a sleeping pill. Within an undetermined amount of time (I wasn’t allowed to know the time), I was wide awake again and needing to go to the bathroom. Of course. I tried to ignore it, but you all know what good THAT does. So I spoke to the room, as instructed. “Hello, this is Stephanie and I need to get up.” And the Voice From the Darkness said, “I’ll be right there.” You know, it’s kind of creepy to be watched and listened to while you sleep—especially when it’s by a stranger. Like being in some grade B Sci-Fi movie.

Since I have done this in the past and stayed awake for 2-3 hours afterwards, and since they need 6 hours of sleep for the monitoring, I took the other half of the pill. Eventually I went back to sleep, but I remember waking several more times before hearing a commode flush and muffled voices. I thought of trying to turn over for a few more Zzzzs, but the Voice said “Since you’re awake, I’m going to come on in and unhook you.” Drats. The Voice sees all and knows all.

I opted not to schedule an extra appointment to meet with the doc to discuss the numbers, just scheduled the second study for the night of 2/15 to sleep with a C-PAP. So Robert, my technician, measured my face and will order me a mask. If I could have worked it out with my schedule, I could have come back in the next several days. No matter. The test confirmed it—Robert said based on what he saw, he would place me in the moderate to severe range.

Coincidentally, my new manager and I have been comparing notes. When I told her of all the symptoms I’d been having, and what I’d researched on the internet, she confessed to having the same symptoms, and also feeling she was going nuts. In fact, no one had picked up on this and they were trying several different medications, including mood meds, in an effort to help her. She scheduled an appointment with her family physician last week armed with this new information, and was to check out a pulse oximeter from the same respiratory care company to see if her oxygen levels are dropping also.

Well, I have babbled on long enough and you have had your health education for the day. I need to finish my 4 Seasons Quilt and mail it off, and I really want a nap. Preferably without wires. I will keep you updated, but if you or anyone you know has some of these symptoms, I urge you to get it checked out. It's more serious than most of us think.

Almost back in gear

Well, Christmas is almost put away, but the sewing room is still bare. Tomorrow night I start another 3-night stretch, and those just wipe me out. Seems all I do those days is work and sleep, so sewing will have to wait until the weekend, and then I HAVE to get my Four Seasons Quilt done. But things are looking up.

For the past 6 months or more, I have just been not physically or emotionally right. It was nothing I could put my finger, so I blamed it on work, and taking on a leadership position in our quilting group, and the knee injury. The anti-inflammatory I was on caused me to have GI bleeding this summer, and dropped my hemoglobin, so that made me a little tired, but it came up again after stopping the medication. Seems the irritation brought on some problems with acid reflux, and I'm taking care of that. In addition, I have gained back the 40 pounds I lost 2 years ago on the South Beach diet, so THAT makes me feel sluggish and rotten, too.

But the most difficult thing to explain or understand was the irritation to the point of constant anger, the inability to cope with situations, the perpetual tiredness. Most of the time I could get to sleep, but couldn't stay asleep, though sometimes I couldn't fall asleep. I chalked that up to working nights, but I've worked straight nights since 1993. My sweet husband is so laid back and understanding. He'd just say, "Well, if you're tired, go take a nap." It didn't matter to him if the house was messy, clothes were clean, but in the basket, and suppper was fast food probably once a week or more. He's such a good man.

Being a nurse, I tried to self-diagnose, of course. I decided it probably wasn't hormones, as I am 5 years post-menopausal (thank you, Lord). But maybe it was my thyroid. Maybe I was still a little anemic. Or it could be depression, but why now? As far as I know there is none of that in my family, and I haven't had most of the events on the stressors scale: divorce, death in the family, job change, move, etc.

Finally, I came to my senses just before Christmas and scheduled an appointment with my physician's assistant, Julie. My blood pressure that day was 150/100--and it was mid-morning, I hadn't worked the night before, I'd been taking my BP medicine, and there was not much traffic out there (I confess to a bit of road rage at times.) That alone could make me feel lousy, she said, so she doubled my dose, but in the meantime, ordered some lab work. We discussed the possibility of depression, but decided to rule out physical causes first. SHE brought up sleep apnea, and gave me a script to sleep with a pulse oximeter one night.

Well, my thyroid is fine, I'm no longer anemic, and I am feeling some better since my blood pressure is down to almost normal. But the pulse oximeter showed my oxygen saturation level is dropping below 90% at night. I started paying attention to the many times I wake up at night. I noticed I sometimes wake up unable to breathe out, and it doesn't seem to matter if I'm on my side or not. And occasionally I wake with my heart racing.

So next week, I have my first appointment with a pulmonologist (lung doc) who runs a sleep clinic. I will need to fill out a questionnaire and meet with him, and then will set up an appointment for a sleep study. Funny thing is, J-Man was diagnosed with sleep apnea several years ago, and I remember helping him fill out the questionnaire, thinking some of the questions were kind of silly. After all, doesn't everyone get sleepy mid afternoon or when they watch television?

In retrospect, I think I may have had the beginnings of this for a while, but managed to function until this summer. REM sleep refreshes your mind, while the deep sleep oxygenates and heals your body. Not getting enough of both would explain why I can't seem to cope with anything any more, and why I'm still having trouble with my knees and don't have the energy to exercise any more. And when I'm tired, I eat.

It is such a relief to think this will all be taken care of soon. The sleep study will show how much and how often my level drops, and suggest what we can do about it. Probably a C-Pap machine, and it may take 2 months to get the sleep study scheduled, then the follow-up appointment with the MD, etc. I know things will be rocky for a while, but I'm trying to be smarter about this. Julie gave me a prescription for a sleeping pill, and that has helped. And I am trying to keep my cool at work and not bite my co-workers' heads off. Just knowing it's being taken care of, helps a little.

Moral of this (rather lengthy) story? Don't procrastinate if you don't feel right--go see your physician (or his P.A.)!

Edited to add: There are so many people who have gone through so many things, that I originally felt rather foolish going to my PA with such vague complaints. If it hadn't been for a couple of co-workers confronting me with my irritability, and the fact that I couldn't stand myself, I might have gone on ignoring my body. But you know, no one is going to take care of our bodies but ourselves. Help is out there, and I don't think God intended for us to be so busy taking care of our families and friends and things that are less important, such as committies and such, that we neglect the life He gave us. So, please, pay attention to your minds, your bodies, and nurture yourselves as much as you would your child. Besides, you can't take proper care of others if you are functioning at less than optimal levels.